Things Might Have Been Different
by Dazma
Summary: Mimi is at the wedding of her two best friends, wondering if things could've been different. Very sad, and angst filled. Don't read if you just want sappy sweetness.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Author Notes: Just felt like writing something sad to match my mood. Hope you guys enjoy, I'm sure you'll figure out whom Mimi is talking about in the first sentence or two. Please remember to review when you're done! I love getting feed back!  
  
  
  
I sometimes wonder if things might have been different, if I hadn't moved to America. If maybe, you and I would be standing together now at the front of the church exchanging vows, instead of you and Sora. And when I think those thoughts, I can't sleep, and I can't breathe, and I don't think I can even live. Yet somehow, I can't stop thinking them, and somehow, I always seem to survive these thoughts. But I'm not sure if I can survive this. When you say 'I do', I'm not sure if I'll make it.  
  
You love her. Oh god how you love her. So much that when I look at you, it hurts. You radiate that love you hold for her, and I've never seen you happier. But could I have made you happier? Would you have been better off with me? I don't know. Maybe if I knew for sure this wouldn't be so hard.  
  
If I were certain you could be happier with me, I would stop this wedding. I'd tell you how much I love you, and that I couldn't live with out you. Or, if I was certain you'd be happier with her… if I could know for a fact that no one could ever make you happier. I would back down, swallow my tears, and deal with this pain in silence.  
  
But I just don't know either way. I could say something and it might turn out to be the best thing I've ever done… or it might ruin your life.  
  
And Sora… how could I ever dream of hurting her? She's my best friend! She's always been there for me, and helped me; she has never once looked down at me! Not even when I acted like a whiney ditz, did she look down at me! And I have only visions of stealing away the man she loves swirling around in my head. I'm so selfish!  
  
  
  
I'm crying, but no one thinks that's out of place. After all, I'm the maid of honour. They all think me tears are only pure, sincere tears of happiness for two of my best friends! How wrong they are.  
  
I meet Tai's eyes briefly. He knows, and gives me an encouraging smile. I wish I could be like Tai, but I'm not that brave. He loved Sora at one point. But he let her go; he had the courage to let her go both physically and mentally. And now, Tai is engaged to a wonderful girl he met at university.  
  
I'm too scared to let go. I love you, and I'm scared. I don't have the courage to let you go… I don't have the courage to say you'll be happier with Sora than with me. I'm weak, and wicked, and not worthy of anything you do for me.  
  
  
  
Oh no, he's asked the question! I don't want to hear! I can't stand to hear you say-  
  
"I do."  
  
  
  
What does it feel like to die? Because I think I've just died. I don't feel anything. If I was alive, wouldn't I be hurting? Wouldn't I still be crying? I would, so I must be dead, because all I feel is numb. There was a flash of searing pain, and now all I feel is numb.  
  
I'm aware of you kissing, and then making your way down the hall together as man and wife. And I'm aware of Tai coming up to my side and leading me down after you, whispering in my ear to smile, and everything will be all right. I smile, but it just feels the twitching of muscles, even my fake smiles have some sincerity to them. This is just a mold my lips are holding.  
  
You're laughing, your voice is like music chiming through the air. You kiss Sora again, and then you two separate to visit all you guests.  
  
I give Sora a hug, and wish her eternal happiness. I do mean that. I do wish her to be happy forever, I just wish she could be happy with someone else! And then I find myself in front of you.  
  
I gasp. My numbness has shattered away, and now I want it back. Your eyes are burning me, and when you hug me it feels like you're digging thousands of knives into my flesh. Tears tumble down my cheeks, and I whisper your name brokenly, beyond rational thought, "Yamato…"  
  
You pull back with a huge grin on your lips; your eyes are alight. "Hey Meems, no tears! This is my happy day!"  
  
My lips quiver but I don't say anything. I can't seem to get the tears to stop coming.  
  
"Mimi?" You're a bit worried now. "Are you okay?"  
  
NO! My heart is screaming no, begging to yell that one simple word for the entire world to hear.  
  
NO! I am not okay!  
  
NO! I will not be okay!  
  
NO! Because the man I love just married by best friend.  
  
But I don't. I close my eyes for a second, and nod my head. Using all of my will power I find my voice and manage to whisper, "I'm just so happy for you two."  
  
You smile again; I almost loose it. Desperately I hang on to my last shards of courage and give you a weak laugh. "You know how I am! I cry about everything." My voice sounds dry and is cracking, but you don't seem to notice. You just smile again… and oh the final twist of the knife… You look over my head to your new bride. And your face glows.  
  
If I ever had a chance of surviving this, it just went out the window. I rush away from you, mumbling something about an eyelash in my eye, but you don't notice. You're in your own world, where Sora is the only thing that matters.  
  
  
  
I make it outside, and run past all the cars… I'm in no condition to drive, even I can tell that. So I keep running; past cars, and down the street, into mobs of people who don't seem to notice that my life has just ended. They don't see me, or at least, they don't want to see me. Who wants to look at the shards of a person? Especially when so many of them are just like me? So many people, who have had their heart torn out and shattered, and felt their soul, die slowly inside their body.  
  
Why does this happen to people? Why did this happen to me?!  
  
You there God? Are you listening? Do you see what's become of me? Why did you let this happen? WHY?! What did I do to deserve this?  
  
But I find no answer; the crowds keep walking by, the cars zoom past. And not to far away, two people are celebrating their love.  
  
I walk, and I cry. And I still wonder if I hadn't left, if things might have been different… but I guess I'll never know.  
  
I guess, I just wasn't supposed to know.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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